(Source: rubyandmoon, via wehatey0upleasedie)

batreaux:

you notice your new sheets are 40% satan. you chuckle at the “typo” until you realize your bed is smoldering and you hear distant screaming

(via wizcoylifa)

will-you-cumber-my-batch:

gay-men:

The future.

I want to high five this kid

I want to give him the highest of fives

(via sn00t)

batreaux:

i’m not like most girls. my head snaps back and a giant pez candy emerges from my throat

(via batreaux)

there’s no logical reason for shorts to be the same price as pants

(Source: adamusprime, via nubkittens)

batreaux:

whats the worst thing about sex with Marilyn Monroe?

maggots! 

pabloandyoda:

mathaniel:

This guy was told by his Homeowners Association that he couldn’t fly the American flag in his front yard.

(via meme4u)

lindsaylohanthony:

ruinedchildhood:

Remember the iCarly episode when Carly and Freddie have sex?

OH MY FUCKING GOD

(Source: ruinedchildhood, via sn00t)

commanderinqueef:

today at the park some guy broke his ankle and one of the people said “give him some lettuce” and everyone just stared at him for like 7 seconds until he said “I meant ice”

(via blackmormon)